Joanna Jeanine’s Diary Entry #10

I’m so deeply in love… but with someone I shouldn’t be. It’s as if my heart knows no boundaries, yet reality draws a line I cannot cross. Maybe someday, the timing will be right. Maybe someday, we can truly be together. But today is not that day. For now, I have to settle for stolen moments — phone calls that go late into the night, conversations that make me feel so close to him even though miles and circumstances keep us apart. I can hear his voice, feel his laughter creeping into my heart, and for a moment, it’s as if he’s right here with me. But he’s not. And the pain of that absence is sometimes unbearable. What makes it harder is that we each have someone in our lives — people who care about us, people we care for, in their own ways. I don’t want to betray anyone. I don’t want to destroy what isn’t mine to take. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t quiet the thoughts of him. He’s in my dreams, in my daydreams, and somewhere between my heartbeat and my thoughts. I want him close — so close I can reach out and feel his warmth, rest in the safety of his arms, breathe him in. But instead, I’m left loving him from a distance, carrying this impossible mix of joy and heartbreak.