Joanna Jeanine’s Diary Entry #15

It’s been a while since I last wrote here. I know I’ve been away, but I haven’t forgotten about this space. Lately, I’ve felt a restless urge to create—something, anything—that feels genuine and meaningful. I keep telling myself that as long as I stay in motion, I might stumble across the thing I’m supposed to create. I’ve been pretty productive, at least on paper, crossing off to-do lists and moving through my days with purpose. But if I’m honest, it’s not the kind of productivity that brings me satisfaction.

There’s a difference, I’m realizing, between being busy and feeling fulfilled. I’m doing a lot, yet when I pause, I still feel like I’m circling the real work I want to do. Sometimes it’s easier to pour myself into tasks that keep me from confronting that blank canvas, the page that needs something only I can put on it. I wonder if all this effort is a way of avoiding what really scares me: creating something authentic, something that might not turn out the way I hope.

Still, I’m not giving up. Maybe this restlessness is its own kind of progress—a sign that I’m still searching, still trying. For now, that has to be enough.