Joanna Jeanine’s Diary Entry #8
The illness I carry feels relentless, creeping into every corner of my daily life. Even the most ordinary things, comforts I used to rely on, now seem unfamiliar, almost alien. I wonder if these changes come from the lesions in my brain; it’s unsettling to realize that what’s happening inside me is reshaping how I see the world.
Lately, I’ve been grappling with a deep sense of fatigue — it’s as if my entire body is weighed down by something heavier than exhaustion. The illness I carry feels relentless, creeping into every corner of my daily life. Even the most ordinary things, comforts I used to rely on, now seem unfamiliar, almost alien. I wonder if these changes come from the lesions in my brain; it’s unsettling to realize that what’s happening inside me is reshaping how I see the world. This loss of familiarity brings a quiet fear. I worry about the possibility of losing my mobility, about the day I might be unable to walk or care for myself. The thought of losing my independence, of relying on others for simple tasks, haunts me. Still, I refuse to let these fears stop me. I’m determined to keep moving forward, to press on despite the challenges. Amid all this uncertainty, my special project has become a beacon. Organizing my writings, giving myself something meaningful to focus on, has brought a sense of purpose and hope. As I prepare this new work, I picture them resonating with others, maybe giving them comfort or understanding. That hope — that my words might reach someone — is what keeps me going.
Joanna Jeanine’s Diary Entry #4
I am thinking of starting up a new book press, making the books very limited and in-house. Maybe it will become something better and more significant than the last endeavor. I had worked on that book press for 25 years. But it had to end.
I feel so much better today. Got some rest and started back on a regular medication regimen. I have to learn that I get very psychotic and depressed when I don’t take my meds at the correct times. I am working on a special project, and I hope to finish it soon. It has been taking a while. I feel bad that I haven’t released any new physical writings or books lately. I need to get back into that. I have acquired all the bookbinding materials, and I am ready to start binding my hardcover books. Creating and testing out my new glue binder for perfect-bound books has been fun so far; I just need to perfect the craft. The hardcovers will be challenging to begin with, but it sounds and looks so peaceful and serene to do when I watch videos of people binding their books. I am thinking of starting up a new book press, making the books very limited and in-house. Maybe it will become something better and more significant than the last endeavor. I had worked on that book press for 25 years. But it had to end. I think the name was caught on some kind of list or blocked in some way, because the traffic was low. Perhaps I wasn’t managing as well as I could. I feel like I've let some people down. But onward and upward.